Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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