Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
