I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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