discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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