Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
