You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
