i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
