I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
