normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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