Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it glows. i had to have it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
