Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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