I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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