i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
