look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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