We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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