that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
