i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
