yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
