he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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