Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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