i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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