Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
