I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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