It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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