he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
