My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
