So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
