from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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