I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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