it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
