Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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