If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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