I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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