At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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