between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
