Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
