Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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