would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
