He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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