If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
As shirtless as possible
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
