so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
