it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
