I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
