my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i drank out of a bidet.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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