new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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