you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Mom said you looked used
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
