I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
