I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
