the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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