had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
