I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
