Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
don't judge my taste in strippers
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
