Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
